Acceptance

In the fields of coaching and psychology, in personal growth, in religion, in metaphysics, in philosophy, and in simple mindfulness there seems to be almost ubiquitous use of the idea of acceptance. People say “go with the flow” or “If you just accept what happens you’ll be fine” or “as soon as you accept it you can move on.” Buddhists, Taoists, and Zen masters everywhere have long taught that when you accept your suffering you’re on the way to a better life. Or not a better life, but one you can accept.
In this post I’d like to elucidate the idea of acceptance a little bit. First of all, acceptance is not the same thing as “being okay” with and going along with all the bad things that happen in life. It isn’t allowing yourself to remain in bad situations or to be abused. It isn’t allowing yourself to be pushed around to railroaded. Acceptance doesn’t mean “roll over.” It is a willingness to look at the way things are in your life and accept them wholly and completely so that you can move forward to make your life better.

Experiences

As we go through life as human beings we have experiences. We learn, we grow, we love, we cry, we may become wealthy or we may lose our wealth. These experiences happen to us all the time, every day, and they contribute meaningfully to the way we develop and the people we choose to become. Our experiences are like an invaluable treasure-trove: something we can draw upon for a lifetime while never running our. The also give us tools to create whole new experiences.

Discomfort

The trouble with experiences and situations and learning opportunities is that they are often very painful, or not very fun, or drag us out of what was once familiar. While you are dealing with a tough experience, there will be pain. Acceptance means that the sooner you realize this truth, the sooner you can deal with it and move on. Whether the pain is emotional or physical, the fact always remains that in one way or another suffering happens. It just does. We are all bound to experience discomfort at some point in our lives. Rather than deny it or try to avoid it, if we just accept the temporary discomfort, we can resolve the situation more quickly, more efficiently, and with more grace.

Pain management

Provides us with some excellent real-life applications of acceptance. Patients with chronic, severe pain are often taught mindfulness and meditation techniques so they can learn to live while experiencing their pain rather than let the pain debilitate them. Some severe chronic pain goes unaffected by drugs, so therapies have been devised which help patients deal with the pain while keeping their dignity. They know they are in pain, they know they will continue to be in pain. So what’s the next step? Anything they want in life. The pain is there, but life is there too. Why shouldn’t they (and we) continue to live life to the fullest?

Unable to accept

People are sometimes unable to accept the discomfort in their lives because they refuse to have any discomfort at all. Sometimes we arrange our lives in such a way that we are never required to leave our comfort zones. We can choose friends with similar comfort zones, or we may subtly train friends and family to provide us with that which is comfortable while avoid what isn’t. We can structure our entire environment in ways which keep us comfortable. Our comfort zones are safe, but they can hamper our growth. They can shelter us from experience, learning and change.

A big part of acceptance

Is cultivating a willingness to move out of your comfort zone once in a while. Leaving our comfort zone can be painful, but it opens the way for new growth. No growth happens that is not accompanied by uncertainty or discomfort. We may need to look at our current situations and see how our zones are holding us back. We may need to make new friends or change our relationships with current friends. Moving out of one’s comfort zone is quite a leap. It takes faith that when all is said and done somehow, someway you’ll have grown.
Pain, discomfort, uncertainty, anxiety, and other unpleasant ideas all fall under the same category here. We shouldn’t be deterred from living our lives by the thought of hardship or pain. We should meet the challenge head-on, knowing that once the period of pain is over, we’ll have grown, and we’ll be stronger for it. Learning to accept that some measure of discomfort is here for now, and it may not go away for a while allows you to tolerate your situation with dignity so that you can begin working on solutions.
How can acceptance help you in your life? How can accepting your situation the way it is help you move beyond it? What are your experiences? Visit The Adjustatorium today.

LOVE
Dr. Ryan K. Marchman